A pessimist approach to daily activities in business life

 * When an error has been detected and corrected, it will be found to have been correct in the first place

 * Once a job is fouled up,anything done to improve it only makes it worse

 * Direct action creates direct reaction

 * If you are feeling good don’t worry, soon you’ll get over it.

 * A short cut is the longest distance between two things.

 * Everything put together falls apart sooner or later

 * Things get worse under pressure

 * If a string has one end, then it has another end.

 * No books are lost by lending except those you particularly wanted to keep.

 * People, who can least afford to pay rent, pay rent

 * The other line moves faster

 * The chance of the bread falling with the buttered side down is directly proportional to the cost of the carpet

 * Any tool when dropped will roll into the least accessible corner of the workshop

 * Anything can be made to work if you fiddle with it long enough

  * If it jams – force it. If it breaks – it needed replacing anyway.

 * When all else fails read the instructions

 * If you do not understand a particular word in a piece of technical writing ignore it. The piece will make perfect sense without it.

 * Whenever a system becomes completely defined, some damn fool discovers something which either abolishes the system or expands it beyond recognition.

 * In a hierarchy every employee tends to rise to his level of incompetence.

 * In time every post tends to be occupied by an employee who is incompetent to carry out its duties.

 * Work is accomplished by those employees who have not reached their level of incompetence

 * In any human enterprise work seeks the lowest hierarchal level

  * People are always available for work in the past tense

 * Worker’s dilemma:

1. No Matter how much you do, you’ll never do enough
2. What you don’t do is always more important than what you do

  * Those who can » Do, Those who can not » Teach Those Who can not teach administrate

 * Build a system even a fool can use, and only a fool will want to use it

 * If you can not convince them, confuse them

 * Never argue with a fool – people might not know the difference

 * Technology is dominated by two types of people:

 Those who understand what they do not manage

 Those who manage what they don’t understand
Authority tends to assign jobs to those least able to do them

 * The quantity which, when multiplied by, divided by, added to, or subtracted from the answer you get, gives you the answer you should have gotten

 * The perceived usefulness of an article is inversely proportional to its actual usefulness once bought and paid for

 * After the last of 16 mounting screws has been removed from an access cover, it will be discovered that the wrong access cover has been removed

 * After an access cover has been secured by 16 hold down screws, it will be discoverd that the gasket has been omitted

 * Trivial matters are handled promptly, important matters are never solved

 * In order get a loan you must first prove you don’t need it

 * In order get a loan you must first prove you don’t need it

 * Anything good in life is either illegal, inmoral ,fattening or a sin

 * Friends come and go but enemies accumulate

  * To make an enemy do someone a favour

  * You have taken yourself too seriously

 * In dealing wih their own problems faculty members are the most extreme conservatives; In dealing with other people’s problems they are the most extreme liberals